


Starting to Heal

by TamaraAdama14



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:38:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9405923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamaraAdama14/pseuds/TamaraAdama14
Summary: Bernie comes home and takes care of Serena.





	1. Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie finds Serena in her bedroom.

Bernie got home after finishing her drink at Albie's with Fletch to give Serena a little more time alone. Moving through the house she checked to see if Serena had fallen asleep in the sitting room of if she had made it up to her room. Seeing no signs of the woman she loved on the ground floor Bernie moved up the stairs to check on Serena before moving into the guest room to get some sleep.

When she opened the door to the master bedroom Serena was sitting on the edge her bed still dressed, not even having taken her coat and hat off after she had made it home. 

Bernie moved around the bed to kneel in front of her to pluck the hat from her head and pulling her jacket off of her. "Serena, darling, do you want me to help you get changed for bed or can you do it yourself?"

Serena looked up from the floor to meet Bernie's eyes. "Don't leave. Please don't leave me

"I'm not going anywhere. Let's get you changed and into bed." Bernie said, helping to Serena to change into her pajamas.

"Stay with me."

"I'm going to go change and then I'll be right back." Bernie said, moving towards the door and leaving it open as she went to her room to change. 

Serena sat on her bed looking to where Bernie had just walked off to. 

When Bernie came back she pulled the duvet and sheet down so her and Serena could settle down before pulling the covers back over them. "Good night, Serena."

Serena didn't reply she just cuddled into Bernie's chest a hand moving around Bernie's waist to hold her tight. 

Bernie waited until Serena fell asleep before she wrapped her arms around Serena. "I love you."


	2. Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie finds Serena in the bathroom.

Bernie knew that people dealt with grief differently so when Serena would sit silently for hours on end she was grieving, it was hard to accept this when Serena would go out of her way to avoid herself or Jason. Not getting out of bed until they had left for work, locking her bedroom door or on one occasion in Elinor's bedroom. There came a point when Bernie could take it any more and that was the first and only time Bernie truly feared what happened to Serena. 

It had started off like any other day Bernie awoke before dawn, got dressed, made breakfast, checked on Serena, went to work with Jason, texted Serena every break not that she always answered, got off and took Jason home. It wasn't until she went to open the front door that she really felt that something was wrong. 

When they entered there were pieces of up broken glass littering the entryway. 

Bernie turned to Jason before pulling him back into the driveway to grab the rucksack of his clothes that she kept in the boot of her car. "Call Alan and tell him that you need to come over. Here's some money for food I will call you in the morning."

"Is Aunty Serena going to be okay?" He asked taking the offered £20 note. 

"I'm not sure, but I'm going to do everything I can for her." She told him, pulling him in for a hug before sending him down the road to the bus stop. Bernie quietly entered the house trying to find a clue as to what had happened.

There was broken glass on almost every floor some of it with flowers in the mix others with only water. It was clear that Serena wasn't on the ground floor. So Bernie moved up the stairs hoping that Serena's bedroom would be open when she saw the door wide open. 

As she entered she noticed the light on in the en suite. 

Bernie pushed the door open, noticing a smashed wine glass on the floor, Shiraz soaking the rug. Serena's hand out over the tub. 

Serena herself still fully dressed sinking into the tub, her eyes closed. 

Bernie raced over to her. "Serena, wake up. Please wake up." She yelled as she checked for a pulse. It was them that she saw the bottle of her pain medication empty on the floor. 

Bernie pulled her from the tub and pried Serena's mouth open and forcing her to get sick to get the pills out of her stomach. 

Luckily Serena had awoken when she was pulled from the water. Not fighting back as Bernie forced her to vomit out what little stomach contents she had. 

Bernie stopped when Serena pulled away from her. 

"Why didn't you let me die?" The brunette asked her, rage apparent in her voice. 

Bernie looked at her like her world had been ripped out from under her. She didn't have anything to say she just pulled Serena to her chest and wouldn't let go even as she tried to punch and kick at her. 

"Let me go. You cheating cunt."

Bernie only held on tighter as tears stung her eyes, knowing that her back and sides would be covered in bruises by morning. "I'll never let you go."

As soon as it had started Serena's burst of violent outrage at Bernie ended with her falling into her chest crying. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I've got you. I'm never leaving, darling."

"Edward called he said that I was the reason Ellie died and that he should have let me slit my wrists one more time when we were in university." Serena said, curling into a ball. 

Bernie didn't know how to reply so she just held on tighter and pressed soft kisses to any part of Serena that she could reach. 

"Will you stay?" 

"Yes, I'll stay."

"Stay forever. Never go back to your tiny flat."

"I'm staying right here."

Here ended up being the floor of the bathroom until morning after Serena had fallen asleep on top Bernie and she didn't have the heart to wake her.


	3. Elinor's Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie finds Serena in Elinor's bedroom.

Bernie finds Serena sitting in Ellie's room holding a teddy bear. 

"She loved this bear. She used to it rather than talk to me or Edward. My mother gave it to her when she was a baby." Serena told her as Bernie sat down next to her. 

"Does it have a name?" The blonde asked, wrapping an arm around Serena. 

"Bearena, she said it was because its fur is the same colour as my hair." The brunette said, her head falling onto Bernie's shoulder. 

"I like it. You are a vicious Mama Bear for every member of AAU, Jason and I know you were for Ellie." Bernie assured her, stroking her hair. 

"You think so?"

"I know so, my darling. All of them see you as maternal figure. Morven loves you, Raf and Fletch would defend you to the ends of the earth."

"I've always wanted grandchildren. A whole bunch of them. A horde of grandchildren to spoil."

"We have grandchildren. The Fletchlings see you as a grandmother. Last week when Fletch had to bring Theo into work for a minute he asked for Grandma Rena. He spent the morning in the office with Grandma Bernie." Bernie told her. 

"This Friday would you mind if we have Evie over for surgeon training." Serena questioned. 

"Not at all, any time you want we can have all four of them over." Bernie told her, placing a kiss on the crown of her head. 

"I love you."

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment with room suggestions.


	4. Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie comforts Serena in the kitchen.

Bernie comes home to the smell of pies, cakes, bread, and cookies filling the house. 

"Doctor Bernie, you're back. Can you ask her to stop now? She been baking since this morning and she won't stop." Jason asked, from his place on the sofa in front of the television. 

"Okay, I'll get her to stop baking and then I'll figure out dinner." Bernie replied, dropping her coat and purse on an armchair and moving to the kitchen. 

Every surface of the kitchen was covered in baked goods. Serena standing at the sink cleaning out a bowl. 

Bernie moved to stand behind her, wrapping her arms around Serena. "Honey, I'm home."

Serena tensed slightly before turning her head to face Bernie. "You're home early."

"How long have you been in here?"

"An hour at the most."

"I see five loaves of bread, six pies, four dozen cookies, and two cakes. I'd say a little more than an hour. Any particular reason why the kitchen looks like a bakery?" Bernie asked, her hands slipping further down Serena's back. 

"It took my mind off of things. When she was little Ellie used to love spending time baking with me." Serena tells her, a smile playing on her lips. 

"Charlotte always wanted to bake with me, but I had no idea of how to do anything in the kitchen. I can have her come over and bake with you some time if you want." 

"I'd like that. Is Jason here? I couldn't remember if he had work today."

"He's in the sitting room wanting dinner. I'll go order fish and chips and then call Charlotte. You can move some of these so we can sit at the table."

"Let's eat in the sitting room tonight. Will you take some of these to AAU tomorrow?"

"I'm off tomorrow, but we can go spoil the Fletchlings for a bit with cookies." Bernie tells her, placing a kiss on her forehead. 

"Okay, when I go back can all of our shifts match up?"

"Yes, darling. Of course."


	5. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena reflects on waking up and falling asleep with Bernie.

Serena had dreamed of waking up in Bernie's arms of lazy mornings spent wrapped up in blankets cuddling, of frantic mornings when they'd over slept having to run out of the house to make it to work on time, Serena coaxing Bernie to wake up so they could spend the day together.

The reality is so much better than she could have dreamed. The warmth and safety was something that she hadn't anticipated. Bernie's arm firmly holding her and not letting go is something she had never experienced. Edward was barely one to hold her, the few flings left before morning and with Robbie she didn't feel right when he put his arm around her. Bernie was so different, just her presence was enough to calm Serena, her touch could stop even her angriest of moods, her kisses could turn a horrible day into a much better one. 

After Elinor died Bernie had taken to pretty much living with Serena and Jason. Serena was barely in a state to take care of herself, let alone help Jason recover from his injuries. So Bernie moved into her the spare room at first for a week, then a week became two when Jason begged her to stay, then two became three when Jason accidentally pulled a stitch, three became a month when she found Serena in the bathtub drunk and having taken a whole bottle of pain pills. It was then that Bernie decided that Serena couldn't be left alone. 

Pulling a few strings and asking Hanssen to adjust the AAU as she saw fit worked out, it meant that she saw Cameron and her friends less, but keeping Serena safe was so much more important. People would take turns spending the day with Serena, Raf and Fletch had spent their days with her watching Telly with Jason, Dom watched crappy soaps with her, Morven read with her,  
Ric would come over and talk to her about what it was like to lose a child. None of them questioned Bernie when she asked them to spend days with Serena. 

Yesterday had been the first day in a week that Bernie had the day off and she had spent it on sofa with Serena at the other end asking about her time in the RAMC and uni. Jason had spent the day and night with Alan, going to shops and the cinema. 

"Bernie, why are you here?" Serena asked, rolling over to look into Bernie's eyes. 

"I am here, because you shouldn't be alone." The blonde replied, her arms tightening a fraction around the brunette. 

"I have barely been alone in two weeks."

"I know, but I can't stand the thought of you thinking that you have nothing to live for." Bernie told her, a hand moving up to stroke Serena's hair. 

"What do I have to live for?"

"Jason would be devastated, Morven sees you as a mum, the Fletchlings call you grandma, I couldn't keep going without you." Bernie confessed. 

"You don't need me." Serena spits, sitting up right. 

Bernie sat up looking at Serena's face. "I need you." Bernie go off the bed and went over to her purse and opened it to pull out a small box. 

"See you can't even stand to be in the same bed as me." Serena said, feeling Bernie rise. 

Bernie came around to Serena's side of the bed and knelt down in front of her. "Please hear me out, love."

Serena turned towards her, avoiding her eyes. 

"I can't promise to know the future, but I can promise that I will be there every step of the way." Bernie told her, reaching for Serena's left hand and slipping a ring onto he ring finger. 

"What is that?" Serena questioned looking at the golden ring with sapphire surrounded by diamonds. 

"It was my grandmother's engagement ring. Now it is a symbol of how much I love you and want to be there with you." Bernie replied, kissing the knuckles of her left hand. 

"You love me?"

"Of course I love you. You're beautiful, smart, funny, flirty. Darling, I started falling in love with you the first time I saw you. I was coming in for my first shift at Holby and I saw you on your mobile yelling at a man at the repair shop. You were so beautiful and then when we met I knew I had to get to know you better."

"I love you, Bernie." Serena said, leaning over to wrap her arms around Bernie. 

"In the morning will you come with me to work?"

"I don't know if I can go back to where . . ."

"I will be with you. Jason wants to go back to work. He won't be on wheel chair or bed duty. He'll be helping us file and organize ward files." Bernie told her, arms wrapping around Serena's waist. 

"You're so good with him."

"So are you. I'm a fun parent I don't know how to discipline, you give him a structure." Bernie reminded her.

Serena pulled up at Bernie. "Get back in bed."

Bernie got up and moved around the bed to lay next to Serena. 

"Hold me."

"Of course, love." Bernie replied, her arms wrapping around Serena. 

"Get rid of the flat."

"You want me to live with you?"

"Yes, I want to know that no matter what I'll have some one to come home to."

"You couldn't beat me off with a stick." Bernie told her, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck. 

As Serena fell asleep she though that waking up in Bernie's arms was amazing, but falling asleep in her arms in the safety of her army medic was the greatest feeling in the world.


	6. Locker Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena asks Bernie a question.

Serena comes back to work the week before Valentine's Day. She torments Jasmine all day long, avoids spending time with Bernie, snaps at Morven. She thinks that she'll get away with it until Bernie finds her in the locker room tearing paper and crying. 

Bernie walks over to her and kneels before her, hand grasping Serena's wrists. 

"This is the last place we talked and didn't argue." Serena whispers tears in her eyes. 

Bernie tries to meet her eyes, hands going up to grip Serena's shoulders. "What did you talk about?"

"We played a game to two truths."

"Do you want to tell me what you said?"

Serena meets her eyes and falls forward into Bernie's chest. "Not right now. Take me home."

"Of course, let me change and then we'll be ready to go." Bernie tells her, hoisting Serena back onto the bench. 

"Don't go, please don't go." Serena says at Bernie lets go of her. 

"Turn around. I'm right here." Bernie command, gently turning Serena's body to face her locker.

Serena turns to watch Bernie as she changes, noticing the various scars on Bernie's abdomen and then she see the scar bisecting her chest and bursts into tears. 

Bernie hears her and rushes to be next to her. "Darling, it's okay. I'm here."

"Your scar, I almost never met you. Jason would never have been as open as he is now and -"

"All that matters is that I'm here now." Bernie tells her, arms holding her tight and kissing the crown of her head. 

"I don't want this ring." Serena tells her, fiddling with the ring on her right hand. 

Bernie tries meet Serena's eyes.

Serena pulls herself out of Bernie's arms and kneels in front of her. "I want an us forever. Will you marry me?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I never want to be apart."

Bernie leans down and kisses her. 

Serena pulls back and meets her eyes. "Are you going to answer me?"

"It's a yes." Bernie tells her, recapturing her lips. 

"Go get changed. We need to go home." Serena tells her rising from the floor

"Wait, one more thing." Bernie says, grabbing Serena's right hand and pulling off the ring and moving it to her left ring finger. 

Serena looks at her hand and smiles, genuinely smiles for the first time since Elinor died. 

Bernie finishes changing and grabs Serena's hand to go to the car and go home. 

"Will you drive home?" Serena asks, unlocking her car. 

"We'll leave my car here. It should be fine." Bernie replies opening the passenger door for Serena. 

Serena sits down and buckles her seatbelt turning to look at Bernie and watch her as she takes them home. "Invite Cameron and Charlotte to come over soon. I want them to know before we tell everyone at work."

"Of course, love." Bernie replies, reaching for her hand over the center console.


End file.
